Always all these ways to live.
Gotta make decisions with precision.
Fantasy and fiction addictions.
They watch and claw at the options:
“Maybe I could prowl seedy pool halls reveling in nose candy and brutality.”
“Pretty sure I could lead the confident and cushioned life of the 401 k crowd.”
“Perhaps I could tote semi-automatic rifles and an invincibility complex.”
“I bet I could download Ableton and produce music that I give to the world
and make fame appear on my own terms.”
“I’m sure I could be a disciplined athlete sponsored by Vitamin Water.”
“I’ll just be whatever antagonistic outsider whose own poverty
or homosexuality or musical obsession or political belief
or religious belief or inescapable past
dictates my entire identity
as I remain on the defensive,
fighting the world.”
And we could give up all this “ME”
that we have tentatively built in the shadows
of our families and peers in order to chase a new identity
or join the Cause, be it anti-cronyism, anti-Capitalism,
anti-immigration, anti-GMO or
pro-narcotics legalization, pro-globalization…
I’ve spent my time unsure of its absolute value,
seconds towards a feeling, minutes on a conversation,
hours in a classroom, months in a relationship, years at this job.
Dead in the end. Mixed up til then.
Mixed up in a fist fight between
this fleshy lonesome you
and this projection of imaginative ambitions.
I’ve been waiting for so long to hear of my fate.
Trapped between my salvation search and the mess i’ve made.
Things are better now, clean and humbled.
But it’s not the punishment the system prescribes.
County this and Federal that, the fear instilled.
It is my will to be the do-gooder, they will not break my will.
The world’s beauty will not fall to its ugliness,
but we are sacrificing some light everyday.
When will the norm, society, home and here be safe
to practice and live purely for loving energy?
I see folks abandon that which they love to search
for some place to exist as their heart demands.
Seclusion, escape or foreign land.
Their community is not their sangha, their teachers are not their guru.
But why not?
There is not enough belief in one another, darkness is the certainty.
Trust has become a yarn they weave, resentment the mud they heave.
Some souls are broken and helpless but only in their minds.
Nights of squalor or sorrow poison their hope for tomorrow.
Encourage each other, accept humanity’s faults. They need you.
Find grace as often as possible. Do not get discouraged by yourself.
I fill my head with music, scan pages of books, eat too much.
In our neighborhoods there are those who can not understand music.
In our neighborhoods there are those who can not read to learn.
In our neighborhoods there are those who can not pay food’s price.
Feel sorry for the less fortunate and pledge to help.
It’s easy to be overwhelmed, to be diagnosed, to piss yourself.
But despite all that we can still reason and pray.
Think about living from the soul, not for your ego’s dismay.
Think heavy thoughts because there is one life and its trying to float away.